Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Jerry Springer Live

This incident occurred several weeks ago and I forgot to write about it. Soo…that means that I don’t remember all the exact details. Sooo…that means I get to remember it how I remember it and if I embellish the details a little, this story becomes a work of historical fiction. The location is real. The characters are real. And I’m not even changing the names to protect the innocent.

We were at WallyWorld (Wal-Mart). We were at the “ghetto Wal-Mart”. There are two stores within driving distance of Camp Shelby and we call the closest one – the Ghetto Wal-Mart. It’s because of the type of people that frequent this one (what does that say about us?) and the area that it’s in.

So here’s what happened. I was walking down the main aisle towards the front of the store. All of a sudden, I hear yelling and screaming. I see a tall, skinny black kid in the clutches of a very large, short black woman – “big-mama”. She’s wailing on him. He’s not fighting back, just trying to get away. Her fists were flying as were the curse words. It was pretty funny. Of course, this ruckus was attracting on-lookers and people were scurrying out of the aisles like roaches to see what was happening. I got shoved out of the way as someone was rushing past me towards the front to see what was happening.

Well the fight was progressing itself across the front of the store. Eventually, the skinny guy got away from the fat woman and took off running towards the other door. By that time, store security had gotten involved and was trying to corner the woman. Someone was going after skinny guy but I never saw what happened there.

Well of course, I wanted to know what had happened. And as it turns out, our team leader, LTC Ken Mundt was right there when it happened. As he tells the story, apparently skinny guy had been dating fat woman’s daughter. Oh it was a tempestuous relationship! The passion! The romance! They couldn’t live with each other. They couldn’t live without each other. At some point, as in all “Jerry Springer” relationships, he began to trash-talk his former beloved. The lies! They were all lies!

Well, “big-mama” was with her trash-talked daughter and her friends when they came upon trash-talking ex-boyfriend at ghetto WallyWorld. Well the sparks flew…as did “big-mama’s” temper. She began yelling at skinny kid about his trash-talking ways.

A woman next to Ken said, “We’d better get out of here before someone pulls a gun.” As he put it, that was what solidified the term “ghetto Wal-Mart” for him.

About the same time, “big-mama” started wailing on skinny guy. Ken watched her start “bitch-slapping” the kid around, tearing at his shirt, yelling all sorts of vulgarities. At one point in the verbal barrage, he actually took off his shirt. Ken said he knew people tore off their clothing in fits of anger on the Springer show, but he never thought it really happened in real life. Well, he was a witness to an actual “clothes-coming-off” ghetto brawl. He laughed as he told it.

Of course “big-mama” quickly got the better of him and for all his shirt-tearing-off bravado; it did him no good in the end. He just looked like an idiot. Actually, they all did.

Later, I was wandering through the store when I saw a young black woman with long, garishly painted fingernails speaking in “Mississippi” (see previous posting). It was obvious she was talking about what had happened. As I described her to Ken and the others, he said that was “trash-talked-about” girlfriend. I can see why he was trash-talking her, if you know what I mean.


Paul said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Paul said...

Hey ...I like that blog; very funny :)