Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Phone S ** E ** X

So what's with the spelling you ask? It's to get through all those wonderful filters that filter out smut, filth and all the other vile things that are on the internet.

So what am I going to write about you ask? Is it going to be sleazy? Is it going to tantalizing? Is it going to offend me?


Well, I hope the answer to your question is "no" so you can still your beating heart.

Last week, or so, I got a letter from my lovely "sock-sending" (see previous posting) wife. Of course the letter was one of the many I get from her each week - hint, hint to those of you not sending your husbands letters - and it smelled of her perfume. It was wonderful.

Anyway, in it she told me of a conversation that she had with a wonderful woman in our ward - you know the one, that lovely lady who lives on the south side of 1700 North, just around the corner from a certain house where lives a family whose husband and father is currently serving in a far away land- ya, you know that lady, and no, it's not DeAnna, but close. Anyway, during this conversation, this woman who shall remain nameless as I want to spare her untold amounts of embarassment, OK, maybe you can tease her just a little...

Anyway, as I was saying, she asked Janae if she and I had phone s ** e ** x (sorry, trying to get past the fileters) and Janae laughed and said "no" as there was usually one or two boys listening in on the phone on her end when we talked and I had to call from a common room full of computers and other phones so I couldn't either. Well of course, I was up to the challenge!!

So one morning, a very important morning - and not for the reasons you think...read my "Tender Mercies" entry, I called very early so I would have the phone room to myself. When Janae got on the line, I assumed my sexiest voice and said, "Bob slowly unbuttoned Janae's silk blouse...his strong hands demanding what she knew...I want you Janae, more than I've ever wanted..."

And what was her response you ask? Was she turned on? Did she respond in kind?

No, she burst out laughing!! You got that unnamed neighbor, she laughed!!! You need to have a talk with her.

OK, I was laughing too. Why you ask?

Well to fully understand the joke, you have to watch the movie American Dreamer starring JoBeth Williams and Tom Conti. It is a film from the early '80's. It's one of Janae's and my favorite films. There's a couple other lines from the same scene that I could have said that we laugh at just as much, but I couldn't get them out I was laughing so hard.

OK, I'm sure most of you will not bother renting this movie so I'll try to explain, but realize you have to see it to get the full impact.

JoBeth Williams is reading in bed when her nerdy husband comes in. She's reading a romance novel, hence the quotes you just read. As she's reading this, she keeps glancing up and watches her nerdy husband go through his nightly ritual. OK, that doesn't really do justice to the scene, but trust me, it's pretty funny.

So there you have it. You are all now privvy to our intimate, long distance relationship. Old black socks (remember that one?) and bursts of laughter.

Don't you just feel sorry for me?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

How could one possibly leave a comment to this entry.

Anonymous said...

I sat here for about 20 min...trying to think of a comment. I dont comment on the "special" family posts usually...but after reading the other comment I took it as a challenge. Ive got nassing absolutely nassing.

How bout those Dolphins!!

Anonymous said...

I too am taking the challenge of trying to leave a comment. I'm sorry. I can not think of a single cohesive thought, except for "sucks to be you dude"

LoraLynn said...

Oh gosh Uncle Bob. That's just plain odd. I mean to be hearing my UNCLE say?!?! I'm glad you're finding ways to amuse yourself over there!!

-LoraLynn

JAGMAN said...

LoraLynn, at least it wasn't your Dad saying those things. Now that would be GROSS!!!

LoraLynn said...

Uggh. No thanks.I'm already in the same room when they kiss and act all mushy. Now, real life, that's gross!!

DeAnna said...

I have a comment....thank you for pointing out that it wasn't me that asked Janae that! At least you didn't ask her if she wanted on the top! That might be a bit uncomfortable over the phone.